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Monday, August 15, 2011

Breaking Up is Hard (?) to Do

Is breaking hard to do - for both people? In romance books, "the breakup" is a pivotal point in the budding relationship between a hero and heroine. Although upset and angry, both stress over the end of their love affair, and rejoice in a reconciliation for that "happily-ever-after" ending.

But in real life, does it happen that way? Do people part, make up, and end up happy? Not always, as your love life may show. Most of us go through a series of "being in love", ending relationships ourselves, or experienced being "dumped". And, of course, there are times when the "parting" is by mutual consent.

All my books have the "black moment" of love affairs ending. Either the hero or heroine decided it was time to "leave". Although hurt, the decision was made and justified repeatedly in the dumper's head.

In "Second Sight Dating", Dan leaves the conference room, after both have their say about their confusion/positions on what happened with his job and her business. Upset, Serena mourns the loss of their relationship, but justification seems to work both ways. Stubborn, they stay apart until Dan relents and seeks her forgiveness.

BTW, this is a FREE READ at Amazon and Ellora's Cave.

In "Anything You Can Do", Although hurt, Allison justifies dumping Jeff, after thinking he used and betrayed her trust. He, in return, feels betrayed until he learns all the facts behind her leaving him. Jeff goes to her and explains everything. All is forgiven and they have their "happily-ever-after".

In "Street of Dreams", Angry Eileen breaks up with Nick when she assumes he's taken full credit for their joint mission. Once again, a hero goes after the woman he loves and wins her back.

Did these couples find it hard to break up? Maybe just hurt, but justified in ending their relationships. Does this happen in real life?

Not for me, and I've been both the "dumper" and dumped. A few ended relationships were by mutual agreement, no regrets. Two relationships ended because we'd moved on to different paths in life. And no, we didn't keep in touch. I saw no reason to do that.

Two relationships where I was dumped had me very upset at first, then angry. I figured each guy wasn't worth my time, and obviously they hadn't thought much about us as a couple to begin I didn't need them.

One I dumped was more for an evil, sinister, female need for revenge. After my boyfriend canceled our date to date another...and I found out...I had no trouble saying "get lost". My anger overrode my hurt and I felt great at dumping him.

So, what's your story? Have you found breaking up hard to do? Sometimes? Always? A little or each?

Photos: Flickr: Tiago Riberio an Lunabee's photostreams.


  1. Breaking up was never hard for me to do until I met my husband. I went through men like tissue until him.

    We had a rough road. At one point we were even separated for two years. Talk about stubborn... yeah, that's me. But we worked through it. I was lucky enough to know when my pivotal point was and I made the right choice.

    I like it when my heroes and heroines do too.

  2. We all have stories to tell...and use the experiences in our books! Glad you made the right choice!

  3. when I met my soulmate it was a case of "love at first sight". We had FAR more highs than lows over almost 25 years ...
    Then she told me she as homesick, and had no feelings left for me.
    At one point (2 years later) I even hired a car and drove across three European countries to get to Sweden (her home) in the hope of a reconciliation.
    I still hope whenever the phone or the doorbell rings and I'm not expecting anyone.
    If she knocked on my door RIGHT NOW the only thing I cold possibly say would be: "Welcome Home".

    Off to have a good cry ........

  4. Hi Marianne,

    Fun post, Marianne. I agree with Saranna. Breaking up wasn't a big deal until I met my husband. We had our share of ups and downs before we decided to bite the bullet and try matrimony. It must've been the right decision. We've been married twenty-one years.

    I'm off to pick up Street of Dreams now!

    Destiny Blaine

  5. I was the 'dumper' in only 5 of my past relationships. Two had cheated on me; one relationship was going nowhere; one was an emotional batterer and I finally 'wised up' and got away from him; the 4th was mutual consent. It was one of those meetings where I was expecting a date and when he walked in, I 'just knew' it was coming. And when he had a hard time finding the words, I made it easy on him, and we both choked up and hugged goodbye.

    I've had the unique position of being friends with nearly all my ex-boyfriends (with the exception of the idiot; I don't care to ever see or hear from him again). One of those ex's introduced me to my now-husband and we've been married 20 years. C introduced us in 1987; D and I began dating in 1990, as D says, I 'opened my eyes to see who was in front of me the entire time!'

  6. I have actually never been dumped. I dumped my first three boyfriends--one because of infidelity, two because of other ass-like behavior. The fourth was more of a mutual "this is not working" sort of thing. None of them really left me feeling down for too long.

    Now, I've been with my fiance for five years. I think we only had one really bad occasion when we both thought we might have to end it because of external things keeping us apart. He was done with school and moving on, I was still in school. A lot was going on for both of us, and distance is hard. I think every relationship has it's "black moments". If you love each other and you both really want to keep it together, you do.

  7. Thanks for all the comments!

    Paul - sad story. It wasn't hard for her to do but you're still hurting. Difficult to love someone who no longer wants you. I hope someday you can just remember her with kindness for the years you were together and move on.

    Destiny - when you find the right one, both work at not breaking up...and you found him! Street of Dreams is my favorite out of all the books I've written!

    Molly - you've had your share of breakups until meeting the "right one". Interesting how an ex introduced you to him!

    fairypenguin - you're fiance is the one! Breaking up wasn't an option because of that. Distance does make it harder to stay in a relationship, but that "black moment" couldn't stop true love.

  8. Ah! So good to read about people committed to each other. Thanks for the great post, Marianne!

  9. Once, I was dumped, and he tried to come back. He was married by then, and there was no way I wanted to get in that situation.

  10. D and I were friends for 4 years; he was a 'big brother', someone I'd go to for advice on how to tell guys #2-5 to 'get lost' (I had NO problems with the decision to break up with C or even the Idiot, lol!). Then when I found myself wanting to cook for him, well, that was a dead giveaway this relationship was going to be different!

    And while the past 20 years haven't been easy, I'm a firm believer in working through issues, even when there have been times I've seriously considered getting out. But my kids need two parents, and I've proved to be not-that-great at the single parent thing (for 2 years, D worked out of town and while it was okay at first, I was always happy to have him home on weekends!).

  11. Good post. All my romance novels have the "black moment," but in real life I've never reunited with someone after we broke up. No matter who did the breaking up, ultimately it always worked out to be the right thing to do.

  12. It's beautiful to know there are still wonderful, successfully working relationships out there. But the truth is that fighting is also part of a good relationship for it eases tension and brings out the best in everyone...even hidden personalities.
    But I can't say I'm such an expert for I've never been in any serious far. Still looking for that special man who could reach deep into my fickle many of our fictional heroes could. Sigh...


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